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Catwoman 2004 |
Review by Jonathan Cornwell |
Directed by Pitof
PG-13, 104 min. (action violence, some sensuality) |
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Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson, Frances Conroy, Alex Borstein
Producers: Denise Di Novi, Edward McDonnell
Screenplay: John Brancato, Michael Ferris, John Rogers
Cinematography: Thierry Arbogast
Distributor: Warner Brothers
Released: 7.23.04 (Wide) |
Rating:
 (out of  ) |
The abomination that is Catwoman can claim at least one recognition - it's easily the year's worst film. The
mesmerizing stupidity and mind-numbing incompetence on display here must be considered one of Hollywood's biggest
miscalculations in recent years. Seemingly bolstered by the presence of Halle Berry, Catwoman looked to reap the
cash cow that usually follows well-made superhero reenactments; unfortunately, this film is not assembled with the
slightest comprehension of compelling entertainment. Culpabiblity for the idiocy here must be equally shared among
the director, screenwriters, and cast; none of them escape the shame of this poorly conceived project. Especially after
the rare genius of a film like Spider-Man 2, which proved the superhero film is alive and well (critically-speaking), Catwoman
offers the antithesis of the genre. To experience this film is to observe cinema at its worst.
The impetus for Catwoman comes from the Michelle Pfeiffer role in Batman Returns, a supporting character
that inspired the notion that female heroines were sexy, unique, and the equal of their male counterparts. But the execution
of this pale version of the character is so grounded in farcical nonsense that Berry never has a chance to develop her
role beyond the pathetic limits of the script. It is simply astounding that everything associated with this endeavor is mired
in hopelessness; even its director, Pitof, embarasses himself by using a single name to associate his presence with the
failed project. If I were him, I'd use another title in his next project - that is if he's given the reigns to another one at all.
The barebones plot sees Patience Phillips (Berry) try to make a living as an advertising artist for a cosmetics company that
is on the verge of a massive rollout of a toxic-like skin cream, which miraculously makes wrinkles disappear but has the
not so fortunate side effect of turning one's face into a burn victim's complexion once the product is discontinued. Patience
stumbles upon the truth and is killed, sort of, but is resuscitated by a cat named Midnight with special powers that have been
passed down from ancient Egypt. She awakens to find herself with cat-like ability, able to jump high distances and with reflexes
that are too fast for any human. Now she is determined to prevent her former company's bosses,
George Hedare (Lambert Wilson) and his wife, Laurel (Sharon Stone in a rare appearance), from wreaking havoc upon an
unsuspecting public. She is assisted and hunted by a cop, Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), who tries to make sense of
their developing relationship amidst the unfolding chaos around her. There are the obvious setbacks and final showdown,
which is one of the more anticlimactic conclusions in recent memory.
To illustrate the incompetence on hand, consider the film's most important scene. Patience lies dead on a rocky beachfront
as dozens of cats surround her, Midnight in the lead, to breath new cat life into her. The sheer absurdity and clumsily handled
special effects generate jeers and laughter from the audience when none is intended. Instead of communicating the
transformation of a woman into catwoman, the viewer is left with disbelief. Pitof seems to frame scenes with an eye
towards the first-person perspective, which at times becomes disorienting and unwatchable. The action sequences are
jagged and flit between cuts that make no sense whatsoever. And, of course, the acting is abysmal.
Berry has provided the perfect example of why good material is an actor's best friend. Just two years removed from an
Oscar win for her riveting performance in Monster's Ball,
she is staring down the barrel of the year's worst effort. Berry looks completely lost here, and their is no one to turn to
for help since Bratt does his best impression of an invisible man. Although Stone relishes her role, she is nonetheless
rusty from years of absence on the big screen, and Wilson simply looks eager to exit the train wreck ensuing before
him gracefully.
There is almost a surreal quality to the really bad films; they take on unique aspects of unwatchability. Catwoman
treads in the waters of such cinematic disaster. Sometimes it's possible to even admire the depths to which films like
this sink, because after all some film has to be at the bottom of the barrel. Of course, that is being kind to barrels, since
Catwoman doesn't even belong in one anyway. It has carved out a place of dishonor that will be hard to top
for the worst of 2004.
© 2004 Jonathan Cornwell
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 | Masterpiece - Film perfection |
| Excellent - A Must See |
| Good - Highly Recommended |
| Fair - Worth seeing |
| Average - Viewable, but not recommended |
| Below average - View at own risk |
| Poor - Avoid at all costs |
| Very poor - An embarassment to the film industry |
| Zero | Awful - One of the worst films ever made |
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